Oh God, I Don't Know If I Can Do This!

I was a child in the 70's. My summer days were spent on my three speed bike. My friends and I rode everywhere on our bikes. During this era Evel Knievel was attempting motorcycle jumps over cars, buses, etc. I watched him on TV and was inspired. The fact that he crashed often didn't deter my inspiration.  My friends and I built a small ramp. Jump after jump went successfully so we raised the ramp; making it higher and longer. More jumps followed, all successful so... I decided I would make it more like Evel Knievel. We jacked up the ramp, higher and longer still, then placed my brother's tricycle, a big wheel, three bicycles, and an empty metal trash can after the ramp. It looked so cool.  I rode to the top of the hill, looked down at the ramp and took off. I made three passes to check my speed and then rode to the top of the hill one more time.  At the top I hesitated only a moment and hit the peddles.  If I peddled hard enough, I would max out third gear just before hitting the ramp. I did max it out, leveled the peddles with my left foot forward, my right foot back. At that moment the only thing going faster than me on my bike was my heart. It felt like it would beat out of my chest. I will never forget as my front tire hit the bottom of the ramp and I knew I could not turn aside or go back, my mind screamed "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this."  But I did do it. They say God looks out for fools and little children, well I know He looked out for this foolish child that day. I made the jump over the tricycle, big wheel, three bicycles, and the metal trash can and landed hard but kept the bike upright. Wow, what an adrenalin rush.  I was thinking earlier this morning about how many times leadership and ministry has been a lot like the childhood bicycle jump I made imitating Evel Knievel.  Sitting on the front pew awaiting them to announce me as the "preacher" for that Sunday night service, my first sermon, I felt my heart beating so hard it felt like it would burst. As I stood and walked toward the pulpit my mind screamed "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this."  I sat in the hospital family room and heard the number one pediatric brain specialist in the world coldly tell the family from the small church I was pastoring that their 13 year old daughter had sub-acute sclerosing pan-encephalitis, a terminal illness that gave her only six months to a year to live, and then said "I see you have your clergyman with you if you have any questions, you can talk to him. Once again my heart raced, and my mind screamed "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this." I looked at the estimates amounting to a quarter million dollars to make the needed repairs and improvements to the church building. When I had arrived only one year prior the financial report looked like it had been produced in a slaughter house. There was red everywhere. Now a year later we had worked hard and paid off the churches total indebtedness. I had made the brash statement from the pulpit that we would do everything from now on without debt. Staring at the cost estimate numbers my heart started that now familiar hard count, and my mind again screamed, "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this." Over and over this heartbeat and mind scream have taken place in my life: accepting ministry opportunities and realizing the job was so much bigger than me, walking toward pulpits with all eyes on me, expecting me to have a word from God,  looking at financial reports, trend charts, cost estimates, listening to people pour out their hearts wanting me to have their answer, entering a new office, my office with all of its responsibilities...  Time and time again my heart has beat fast, and my mind screamed, "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this."  But I am happy to report God has never failed me.  He has always helped me.  Reading the stories of the men and women in Scripture I have noticed that most of them are pretty ordinary people who were thrust into extraordinary circumstances and God helped them do what was beyond themselves. As a matter of fact God rarely asks us to do just what we can do. He almost always calls us to go beyond ourselves.  Then when we step out, when we hit the peddles and reach our maximum, and commit to no turning aside or going back, God shows up, and He never fails.  Evel Knievel had nothing on those of us who are in Ministry and Leadership.  

Lessons from the ghosts that have been haunting me...

As part of my family's Christmas tradition we always go on a journey. Usually it includes a couple days in my wife's hometown in Virginia, and a couple of days in my hometown - Canton, NC. Then we do a vacation week with just the four of us. We continued our tradition this year. Returning to our hometowns is always a mixed bag. First we do love and enjoy seeing our families and getting to spend time with them. I was blessed to grow up in a wonderful family and our opportunities to be with them are too few and far between. Another enjoyable part of being back home is the holiday meal(s), and gift exchanges. I am just vain enough to admit that a third part I really like is the almost celebrity status I enjoy as the only member of my family to have moved out of town and now coming back home for a visit. There are always issues though: sleeping arrangements, hectic schedule trying not to miss seeing anyone, working our holiday events around the work schedules of my family, who are home in my hometown, and trying not get in their way... One issue though, that really hit hard this year was the ghosts... Now don't worry I have not lost my mind and started believing in "Casper" or the horror movie version of disembodied spirits bound in everlasting chains and sentenced to roam the earth and haunt the living. What I am talking about are the traces or residue of the relationships we have had, the decisions and choices we have made, and the sometimes painful regrets of knowing what was but is no more or possibly what could have been. In one of my early morning conversations with my Dad and Mom, while everyone else was still sleeping, we talked about many of my old high school friends. Unfortunately too much of the conversation focused on them telling me who had died this past year. I am way to young to have that many school friends dying. But a significant number have indeed died. Everyone of them from a self-inflicted cause - not suicide in its strictest sense, but lifestyle choices that robbed them of their lives. When I think back to the time I had with each of the people my Dad and Mom told me about, my heart breaks. Back in the day I was so inconsistent in my walk with Christ, to worried about whether or not I would be accepted and popular, so caught up in my own stuff that I didn't do a very good job of being a true reflection of Jesus to them and now they are gone, gone to meet Him... Regret is a tough pill to swallow! I cannot go back and change even one detail of my past, I cannot undo or redo, no one can. But the ghosts are haunting me, so what can I do?...........

I can learn from them to be more intentional in my living now. More careful to accurately reflect Jesus to those who are in my life now. I can't go back to then, and I am not promised tomorrow, but I do have now. So now I will love, live, share, give, converse, speak, reflect, preach, teach, work, be... with absolute passion for Jesus and the people he allows to be in my life.

Twas the day after Christmas...

Twas the day after Christmas and all through the land, many creatures were stirring, some happy, some sad. Jon got that Wii he was wanting, but Anne stares at the neckless in disbelief, she thought for sure she'd get the "ring." Lines are already forming at customer service as gifts are returned, tempers are flaring, parking lots overflowing, the after Christmas sales are in full swing, but in a few days it will all be over and a new year will dawn.

Now I realize that Jesus Christ was not actually born on December 25th, probably not even in December at all, but since the church has chosen to celebrate His birth on December 25, shouldn't we focus more on Him and His mission during this season. I was listening to a favorite podcast this AM, one that was done a week or so back, and I loved it, it spoke to my heart, right up until the advertisement for sermon series, music projects, books, etc. that would make a perfect gift for my loved ones, or even as a way to reward myself this Christmas. My heart was pricked.

Jesus came to be the gift of God to a world in total need of a savior. During His teaching time with His disciples He laid out the mission He was on earth for. He came to seek and save the lost, to be sight to the blind, health for the sick, food for the hungry, clothing for the naked, and the blood covering for those stained with sin. He did not come to the religious, to exchange accolades, to simply offer new insights into the theological conversations of the scholars, or to further the course of the religious establishment of the day. Jesus came to make, to be, the ultimate sacrifice. It is His coming that we claim to celebrate on December 25th. I wonder how He feels about the way we in the American church have chosen to to celebrate Him? I wonder if our "generosity" to our families and friends, our focus on the "perfect gift," etc. moves Him. I do love my family, and I do hope to live generously toward them. How skewed it has become hit me though, when my wife and I had to search for a gift idea, because aunt Mary already has everything a human being needs and wants. After all if there is something she wants, she goes out and buys it. I started thinking about how abundantly blessed most of we Americans are, especially compared with many in the impoverished parts of our world. I noticed, really looked into the face of the homeless man I had passed on the street several times this "holiday season." I wonder would it warm Jesus' heart more if we were to opt to spend time with our family and friends, and invest our "gift giving money" into some area of the mission of Jesus. Would my December 25th be more honoring to Jesus if I reached out to the homeless in my city, to the hungry across town and around the world. I wonder if Jesus would be more pleased if I sacrificed for those in need, instead of exchanging gifts with others who have as much as I have. I wonder...

Monday Morning Coaches and Armchair Quarterbacks

All across the USA on this December Monday a weekly rite is taking place. Around office coolers, in factory break-rooms, around lunch tables in school cafeterias, and in bars filled with smoke, men and women, young and old, are going over yesterdays NFL games.  Monday morning coaching and armchair quarterbacking their favorite teams. Manning should have seen this, should never have thrown that pass, Johnson should have cut sooner, Smith should have stepped out of bounds instead of trying for that couple of extra yards.  Coach should have called a timeout sooner.  You have heard and probably participated in at least one such Monday conversation. And boy how much sense what we say makes. How many games would have turned out differently had the coaches and players only had the benefit of our sage advice... yesterday. But we didn't give it yesterday, and they can't do anything about it today.  Yesterday, we did not know what we know today, so we did not have the skill, knowledge, or setting to give the advice. Hindsight they say is 20/20.  Foresight, on the other hand is often clouded at best, and a shot in the dark sometimes.  That is why they pay the coaches and players to coach and play on Sunday's. That is why nobody pays us for our advice regarding Sunday's games on Monday.

Life is a lot like football in this regard. Many people have much advice for us after the fact. If only you had chosen differently when looking for your spouse. If only you had never taken that first drink, or smoked that first little white killer. You really should have done this instead of that. You know, you have heard and probably participated in many such conversations yourself.  

I am so glad that God has given us His playbook (the Bible), and a wonderful staff of coaches (His Holy Spirit, Mentors, Pastors, etc.) to help us when it counts, during the game, not just after the fact!  If we will learn to follow His "game plan" and obediently listen to His coaching staff, our lives will be so much better. As a matter of fact, our victory is assured! It may not be an easy win, it may involve bloody conflict, and difficult challenges to overcome, but with Christ we will overcome.  We may even lose a few battles along the way, but ultimately we win. 

So what about all those Monday morning coaches and armchair quarterbacks that show up after the dust has settled to tell us what we should have done? Let them talk, they will anyway, but pay them no mind.  Their 20/20 hindsight does nothing to change the outcome of what has already happened, and honestly, does very little to prepare you for your next set of obstacles. So, let them sit around the tables, stand by their water coolers, or sit on their barstools and critique you. Yet understand the utter lack of value in what they say. Stay focused on the playbook, and keep listening to your coaches. After all they will be there before, during, and after.

Jesus did not come to preach the gospel...

On my way back to the office from eating lunch I listened to Len Sweet's "Napkin Scribbles" podcast. In the five minutes he spoke he said something that really fired up my brain.  "Jesus did not come to the earth to preach the gospel, but so that we might have a gospel to preach." Immediately I thought of Jesus reading the OT prophet as recorded in Luke 4:18.   A passage that clearly says, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed me to preach the gospel..."   Maybe Len Sweet was wrong... But then I got back to the office with my mind blazing, and looked up the passage.  Beginning at verse 16 we see Jesus arriving at the synagogue, being handed the scriptures, and then standing up to read.  He did indeed read the passage from the OT prophet Isaiah. Then He closed the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. The passage says the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed upon Him. Having their attention, He then proclaimed, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." What did, and does He mean by this statement?  I believe Jesus means that He had come to be all that the gospel proclaimed the promised Messiah would be.  He came not just to talk about Messiah, or even to simply proclaim Messiah, but to do what Messiah was supposed to do, to fulfill the promises about Messiah, to "be" the Messiah.  That Messiah (Jesus) has come is the gospel, the good news believers receive and proclaim.   

Is "Let's keep Christ in Christmas" enough?

Candie and I were driving to one of the two Christmas banquets we had this weekend when she spotted a large billboard sponsored by Mike Carwash that read "Let's Keep Christ in Christmas." I am thankful for the thought behind it and for Mike's investing the money to rent the billboard space and give that simple reminder. I am not complaining at all about that.  But as soon as she read the billboard I thought, "That is so five years ago, now we need to concentrate on keeping Christmas in the 'holiday's'."  What a day in which we live, what a culture in which we live. It is sad.  

I am a fairly generous person, my wife has the spiritual gift of giving.  She is gifted in generosity. The Salvation Army bell ringers are part of the Christmas landscape, but I admit I rarely drop money into the red kettles. Candie, on the other hand finds it almost impossible to pass up any opportunity to give... That changed with a recent trip to Hobby Lobby.  Candie and I saw the SA bell ringer as we pulled into the parking lot. We heard the ringing of the bell as we stepped out of the car and began walking toward the store entrance. I fully anticipated that either going in or coming out of the store,  Candie would look at me and ask if I had any cash on me, so she could drop it in the red kettle.  Then the Salvation Army Red Kettle Attendant spoke to the couple walking just ahead of us, she said, "Happy Holidays".   I heard Candie groan, then speak first to the SA lady saying, "Merry Christmas".  Surely with this clear signal that we would not be offended by a Christmas greeting, the lady representing the Salvation Army would wish us a Merry Christmas in return, but no.  Again she said only "Happy Holidays".  

We talked about it as we walked through the isles of the store. How heartbreaking it is that a representative of an organization supposedly Christian, with a name like "Salvation Army", refused to even say the word Christmas in greeting us and asking for a donation to carry on it's "Christian" work.

I hope we as followers of Jesus do not become so afraid that we might offend, that we refuse to even speak the Name that is above every Name.  May we speak with our deeds first, and with our words as well, the glorious, matchless Name of Jesus.  I am not suggesting that we be purposefully offensive, or even careless in our representation of Jesus, but that we not be afraid to truly present Him in our deeds and words.    

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

Making connections in a disconnected world.

I have a great friend who through a weird set of circumstances (all totally legal mind you), ended up with a new Blackberry Curve that he could only use for three weeks and then had to change networks. He called and offered the old/new Blackberry to me. I am thrilled with my new phone. But anyway, I was having a bit of difficulty getting the email set up so I ended up at the at&t store... for 45 minutes yesterday.  While the tech worked on my new toy, I mean tool, I wondered around the store looking at all the myriad types of phones. The thought struck me of how many ways we now have available to make connections with people. I am not an old man, but I remember growing up when "the phone" was the big black thing on Granny's side table. It had a dial with holes, and would actually ring (as in bell, not chirp, or play part of your favorite song) when someone called. Other than that "electronic device", you connected with people face to face; looking them in the eyes, smiling, and offering a firm handshake. AT&T has approximately 30 different type phones (at least in the store I waited somewhat patiently in yesterday). The Blackberry I have allows text messages, instant messages, Facebook, MySpace, email, internet, and of course phone service. I also own a MacBook Pro with ichat, email, IM, internet, etc. My point is that the tools available to make connections are far more plentiful and way more advanced than ever before. Yet the bad news is there is a greater sense of disconnect now than many would care to admit. There are those who create characters (avatars) and live out a fantasy "second life", while pulling away from the real people with whom they could relate.  I have witnessed teens sitting in the same room, sometimes sitting side by side texting each other rather than actually talking.  Many people live desperate lives of lonely isolation, numbing the pain with a prescription or a beer.  Others hide in the business of living, aching for someone to genuinely connect with.  The bars are full, the facilities that treat depression have long waiting lists, suicide is on the rise for almost every age group, divorce is devastating thousands of homes each day, and the pace and pressures of life seem to keep increasing.

How do we as followers of Jesus Christ, who left heaven and sacrificed His everything to connect with humanity, tackle this paradoxical situation. How do we make authentic connections with people in such a disconnect world? I would love to hear some ideas...